May312012

My everything hurts.

Also, brain, when I tell you to sleep you should FUCKING SLEEP. None of this halfassed “I will wake you up 17 times to make you think about nonesense” bullshit.

It’s going to be a long day.

May302012

Note to Self

In short:

1) Staying underweight and/or engaging in behaviors that keep me underweight doesn’t do me any favors.
2) Feelings change. I don’t have to act on every emotion I have.
3) Starving doesn’t make me strong, it makes me sick.
4) I have more exciting and productive things to focus on in my life than how I can cheat my mealplan, sneak in exercise, and weigh myself in secret.
5) I’ve felt fat and hated my body at ALL of my weights, even my lowest. So the silly illusion that if I just lose X pounds, and I’ll finally be happy is just that—an ILLUSION.
6) The first step in getting better (aside from asking for help) is to put fork/spoon/hand to mouth and just eat, no matter how I’m feeling about it.
7) I CAN do it.

Seriously though, read the full version. I so completely needed this today.

recovery 

9AM
This. +10000.

This. +10000.

(via missmairaisabel)
May292012

Tired, wound up, anxious, confused, insecure.

So basically I’m in a great mood for thesis writing.

Riiiiiight.

1PM

Can we fast forward to the part where I don’t feel like shit every time I eat food? Or randomly cry for no reason? And can get a good night’s sleep without drugs? 

I’m getting really sick of this shit.

12PM

burrito-princess:

the anarchist’s cookbook

she 
licked ash from her molten fingertips
and exhaled
smoke.

it is one thing 
to live,
and another
entirely

to set yourself
on fire
day after day
just to feel the burn.

I love this.

May272012

Dear brain,

When you’re hungry, EAT.

Love, 

Stomach

May262012
yup.

yup.

(via peanutbutterpretzels)
3PM
So, when does it start getting better? Soon please?

So, when does it start getting better? Soon please?

(Source: a-million-times-over, via summergirl88)
May252012

Lovely. 

(Source: gymnasticsfan, via fyeahgymnastics)
May232012

Sometimes my brain is a real jerk

I went to bed a little after 1 last night.

And then woke up at 6:30 having a nightmare that my Mom died.

Way to totally fuck up my morning, brain.

May212012

Why yes, I am going to bed at 10:30. I spent the whole day in a total haze because I’m so fucking exhausted, so I’m going to bed early, like some kind of lazy person who takes care of herself.

Now let’s see if I can actually sleep for once.

May172012
Yup.

Yup.

(Source: elizabethhope93, via graisse-squelette)
May162012
Lovely.

Lovely.

(Source: youunknown, via catherineofsiena)
10PM
summergirl88: shadowbxer: This is an article in Fabulous magazine, which comes free with The Sun newspaper, probably the most circulated tabloid in the UK. The article is shown on the front cover as ‘Speed Dieting: Lose 10lbs in 10 Days!‘ As you can clearly see in the photo, this diet promotes eating 950 calories a day. It also comes with an accompanying exercise regime to follow. When I read this article I was filled with a mix of utter, complete shock, disbelief and disgust. How on earth could this magazine be advocating such a low calorie diet? It’s below the absolute minimum recommended intake for a woman of 1200, and it’s very likely these dieters would require more calories due to the exercise the diet recommends. Not only this, but it’s as if they’re glamourising the idea of 950 and making it seem acceptable by encouraging readers that it won’t be that bad because they’ll be eating food that’ll give them the illusion of being more full than they really are. The article goes as far as to say the ‘your metabolism gets a boost’ because of the diet, when in fact your metabolism is more likely to do the opposite; while you’re likely to lose a lot of weight in those 10 days, you’ll either gain it back straight after if you switch back to normal eating as most will, or if you end up continuing with the diet, you’ll actually be starving yourself and slow down your metabolism. Oh, and lets not forget ‘the rules,’ in particular, how we’re told to do Visual Inspiration: Stick your head on top of your dream celeb bod, noting your ideal weight at the bottom, and pop it on your fridge to help spur you on. This sounds eerily like thinspo to me, like the ~tips n tricks~ pro-ana sites like to tell us. You know, cutting out skinny models, believing a goal weight will bring happiness, using thinspo to keep you from eating. It’s bullshit. You can’t look like anyone but you, and you’ll have to accept you’ll never have your ‘dream celeb bod.’ Don’t be so naive to believe a weight has to be perfect. And if you’re hungry and want to go to the fridge, then damn well eat something because your body needs it. Don’t deprive yourself because a magazine crash diet tells you to. Sorry, but I just had to get this rant out. I’m appalled that a highly distributed magazine, of which a majority of its readers will be teenage girls and young women who are unlikely to be clued up on proper weight loss methods, is promoting such an unhealthy diet. It’s nearing summer, and a lot of people will blindly choose to follow this. Crash diets will not work in the long-term. Diets like this could lead on to a yo-yo dieting cycle, or for some people, crash diets can trigger an underlying predisposition to an actual eating disorder. Whilst I know better than to listen to this sort of bullshit, many people won’t, and I detest that this popular magazine is promoting a 950 calorie diet. This is appalling.  I’ve read similar things in other magazines, too.  It’s scary how normalized it is, and how this type of stuff is promoted by magazines.  You said all of this perfectly. I once saw an article in Marie Claire which was supposedly about “what dieticians eat” and one of the dieticians said that she ate some minimal amount of calories (I forget exactly what it was), exercised, and never ate until nighttime because “in the daytime you get all of your energy from the sun.”  Ummm, did I miss something or have we not yet evolved to the point of photosynthesis yet?  I’m always so horrified by these articles. Their recommended meal plan looks strangely familiar. And not in a good way. While this kind of bullshit doesn’t cause eating disorders, it makes it really easy to rationalize what you’re doing as ~totally just healthy weight loss~. 

summergirl88:

shadowbxer:

This is an article in Fabulous magazine, which comes free with The Sun newspaper, probably the most circulated tabloid in the UK. The article is shown on the front cover as ‘Speed Dieting: Lose 10lbs in 10 Days!‘ As you can clearly see in the photo, this diet promotes eating 950 calories a day. It also comes with an accompanying exercise regime to follow.

When I read this article I was filled with a mix of utter, complete shock, disbelief and disgust. How on earth could this magazine be advocating such a low calorie diet? It’s below the absolute minimum recommended intake for a woman of 1200, and it’s very likely these dieters would require more calories due to the exercise the diet recommends. Not only this, but it’s as if they’re glamourising the idea of 950 and making it seem acceptable by encouraging readers that it won’t be that bad because they’ll be eating food that’ll give them the illusion of being more full than they really are. The article goes as far as to say the ‘your metabolism gets a boost’ because of the diet, when in fact your metabolism is more likely to do the opposite; while you’re likely to lose a lot of weight in those 10 days, you’ll either gain it back straight after if you switch back to normal eating as most will, or if you end up continuing with the diet, you’ll actually be starving yourself and slow down your metabolism.

Oh, and lets not forget ‘the rules,’ in particular, how we’re told to do Visual Inspiration:

Stick your head on top of your dream celeb bod, noting your ideal weight at the bottom, and pop it on your fridge to help spur you on.

This sounds eerily like thinspo to me, like the ~tips n tricks~ pro-ana sites like to tell us. You know, cutting out skinny models, believing a goal weight will bring happiness, using thinspo to keep you from eating. It’s bullshit. You can’t look like anyone but you, and you’ll have to accept you’ll never have your ‘dream celeb bod.’ Don’t be so naive to believe a weight has to be perfect. And if you’re hungry and want to go to the fridge, then damn well eat something because your body needs it. Don’t deprive yourself because a magazine crash diet tells you to.

Sorry, but I just had to get this rant out. I’m appalled that a highly distributed magazine, of which a majority of its readers will be teenage girls and young women who are unlikely to be clued up on proper weight loss methods, is promoting such an unhealthy diet. It’s nearing summer, and a lot of people will blindly choose to follow this. Crash diets will not work in the long-term. Diets like this could lead on to a yo-yo dieting cycle, or for some people, crash diets can trigger an underlying predisposition to an actual eating disorder. Whilst I know better than to listen to this sort of bullshit, many people won’t, and I detest that this popular magazine is promoting a 950 calorie diet.

This is appalling.  I’ve read similar things in other magazines, too.  It’s scary how normalized it is, and how this type of stuff is promoted by magazines.  You said all of this perfectly.

I once saw an article in Marie Claire which was supposedly about “what dieticians eat” and one of the dieticians said that she ate some minimal amount of calories (I forget exactly what it was), exercised, and never ate until nighttime because “in the daytime you get all of your energy from the sun.”  Ummm, did I miss something or have we not yet evolved to the point of photosynthesis yet?  I’m always so horrified by these articles.

Their recommended meal plan looks strangely familiar. And not in a good way. While this kind of bullshit doesn’t cause eating disorders, it makes it really easy to rationalize what you’re doing as ~totally just healthy weight loss~. 
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